...about the difference between the North and the South
Being a Northerner, transplanted to the South, I have personally become aware of the
many, many differences that set us apart.
Compare and Contrast: North and South
The difference between the North and the South at last clearly explained:
1. The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
2. The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
3. The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
4. The North has switchblade knives, the South has Lee Press-On Nails.
5. The North has double last names, the South has double first names.
6. The North has Indy car races, the South has stock car races.
7. The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
8. The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
9. The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.
10. The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt.
INFORMATION FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South:
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....
do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
5. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
6. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck
or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
this way. All of them are in denial about it.
7. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
8. Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
9. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
10. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
11. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are
proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
12. In the South, they have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
13. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think
they will be accepted as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, Southerners wouldn't call 'em biscuits!
----------
These things are true.
1. I never heard of Dollar General in my life until I moved to Virginia; there
are two within a mile of my home.
2. There are quite a few places like this, none near my home. I'd be afraid to
go in. There are usually big-wheel trucks with Confederate flag stencils
covering their back window parked out in front. A couple of weeks ago we went
to the Knott's Island annual Peach Festival. The biggest booth there was one
selling Confederate memorabilia, flags and T-shirts. Why? The North won.
3. I can't manage to gag out a y'all in any tense. I gag when I hear it spoken.
4. This is what you hear when you go into one of those bait/video rental shops.
I steer clear of these shops. I also avoid men who can roll a tooth-pick from
one side of their mouth to the other, especially if they can do that with
missing teeth, or if they are wearing what in the South is referred to as
a "wife beater" (in the North, this would be called a sleeveless T-shirt).
5. While this is absolutely true, for seasoning greens, black-eyed peas, etc., my
family members in southern Arizona actually use it, too, for seasoning
frijoles and tortillas.
6. This is true, however, it also applies to my husband's family from New
Jersey. To be polite in both the South and New Jersey, simply smile and nod.
A word of caution, the nod is only meant to acknowledge that you are
listening. Over-nodding might lead one from the South or New Jersey to
believe that you are actually agreeing to do something that they are
suggesting. This could be anything from agreeing to have a beer-bottle shot
off the top of your head in the South, or going out with the family to "shank"
someone. In New Jersey, the first "new word" you learn is "frig." ("Get the
frig out of here." "What the frig are you doing?!...you frigging idiot."
7. True again. A Northerner would never say, "I'm fixin' to go to Wal Mart,"
let alone, "I'm fin-ta go to Wal Mart."
8. Just last night on the news!
9. Happens all the time, and usually results in a hospital visit. We hear the
ambulance (in the South, "amblance") sirens all the time...it usually involves
firecrackers, especially during July 4th, New Year's Eve, Saturday nights, or
on the occasion of making a trip to North Carolina (an hour away) where
fireworks can be purchased legally. They are illegal here because they are
considered dangerous and because people tend to get injured by using them in
unconventional ways. We're in the South...duh.
10. On the DAY we arrived in Virginia Beach...it was March 28, 1987 (the moving
van didn't come until April 1st...)...on that DAY, when we pulled up in the
driveway, my neighbor came over and introduced herself, and invited me to go
shopping with her on Tuesday, April 2nd. I accepted the invitation. It
wasn't hurricane season yet (starts June 1st), but I soon discovered that our
trip was to the nearest hardware store to buy hurricane supplies. A few days
later, snow (only one of five occasions of snow to have occured since 1987)
was predicted. And the prediction was only FOUR INCHES!!!!!! (I'm from
Chicago. Four inches??? Growing up in Chicago, I used to walk uphill both
ways to and from school in a foot of snow, barefoot even. A foot of snow might
have caused bus service to slow a bit.) My neighbor came over and drove the
two of us to the grocery store to buy "supplies." We could hardly get a
parking spot. The shelves were nearly bare of all canned goods and water by
the time we finally got a parking space and went inside.
11. And BB guns. Everyone in our neighborhood has lost a window or had their
siding damaged by BB guns. Virginia state law favors gun owners, and recently
the legislature decided that allowing guns in bars is fine and dandy.
12. Lawns? Driveways? I can take you to many neighborhoods where you can't see
the grass because there are too many cars parked on the lawn/driveway. Just
one big oil slick from one end of the property line to the other, mostly.
13. Thank God. My son was born in Norfolk (pronounced Nawfuk here in the
South)...Norfrig in New Jersey. Since his parents are Northerners, he can't be
a biscuit.
many, many differences that set us apart.
Compare and Contrast: North and South
The difference between the North and the South at last clearly explained:
1. The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
2. The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
3. The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
4. The North has switchblade knives, the South has Lee Press-On Nails.
5. The North has double last names, the South has double first names.
6. The North has Indy car races, the South has stock car races.
7. The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
8. The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
9. The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.
10. The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt.
INFORMATION FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South:
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....
do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
5. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
6. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck
or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
this way. All of them are in denial about it.
7. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
8. Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
9. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
10. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
11. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are
proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
12. In the South, they have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
13. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think
they will be accepted as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, Southerners wouldn't call 'em biscuits!
----------
These things are true.
1. I never heard of Dollar General in my life until I moved to Virginia; there
are two within a mile of my home.
2. There are quite a few places like this, none near my home. I'd be afraid to
go in. There are usually big-wheel trucks with Confederate flag stencils
covering their back window parked out in front. A couple of weeks ago we went
to the Knott's Island annual Peach Festival. The biggest booth there was one
selling Confederate memorabilia, flags and T-shirts. Why? The North won.
3. I can't manage to gag out a y'all in any tense. I gag when I hear it spoken.
4. This is what you hear when you go into one of those bait/video rental shops.
I steer clear of these shops. I also avoid men who can roll a tooth-pick from
one side of their mouth to the other, especially if they can do that with
missing teeth, or if they are wearing what in the South is referred to as
a "wife beater" (in the North, this would be called a sleeveless T-shirt).
5. While this is absolutely true, for seasoning greens, black-eyed peas, etc., my
family members in southern Arizona actually use it, too, for seasoning
frijoles and tortillas.
6. This is true, however, it also applies to my husband's family from New
Jersey. To be polite in both the South and New Jersey, simply smile and nod.
A word of caution, the nod is only meant to acknowledge that you are
listening. Over-nodding might lead one from the South or New Jersey to
believe that you are actually agreeing to do something that they are
suggesting. This could be anything from agreeing to have a beer-bottle shot
off the top of your head in the South, or going out with the family to "shank"
someone. In New Jersey, the first "new word" you learn is "frig." ("Get the
frig out of here." "What the frig are you doing?!...you frigging idiot."
7. True again. A Northerner would never say, "I'm fixin' to go to Wal Mart,"
let alone, "I'm fin-ta go to Wal Mart."
8. Just last night on the news!
9. Happens all the time, and usually results in a hospital visit. We hear the
ambulance (in the South, "amblance") sirens all the time...it usually involves
firecrackers, especially during July 4th, New Year's Eve, Saturday nights, or
on the occasion of making a trip to North Carolina (an hour away) where
fireworks can be purchased legally. They are illegal here because they are
considered dangerous and because people tend to get injured by using them in
unconventional ways. We're in the South...duh.
10. On the DAY we arrived in Virginia Beach...it was March 28, 1987 (the moving
van didn't come until April 1st...)...on that DAY, when we pulled up in the
driveway, my neighbor came over and introduced herself, and invited me to go
shopping with her on Tuesday, April 2nd. I accepted the invitation. It
wasn't hurricane season yet (starts June 1st), but I soon discovered that our
trip was to the nearest hardware store to buy hurricane supplies. A few days
later, snow (only one of five occasions of snow to have occured since 1987)
was predicted. And the prediction was only FOUR INCHES!!!!!! (I'm from
Chicago. Four inches??? Growing up in Chicago, I used to walk uphill both
ways to and from school in a foot of snow, barefoot even. A foot of snow might
have caused bus service to slow a bit.) My neighbor came over and drove the
two of us to the grocery store to buy "supplies." We could hardly get a
parking spot. The shelves were nearly bare of all canned goods and water by
the time we finally got a parking space and went inside.
11. And BB guns. Everyone in our neighborhood has lost a window or had their
siding damaged by BB guns. Virginia state law favors gun owners, and recently
the legislature decided that allowing guns in bars is fine and dandy.
12. Lawns? Driveways? I can take you to many neighborhoods where you can't see
the grass because there are too many cars parked on the lawn/driveway. Just
one big oil slick from one end of the property line to the other, mostly.
13. Thank God. My son was born in Norfolk (pronounced Nawfuk here in the
South)...Norfrig in New Jersey. Since his parents are Northerners, he can't be
a biscuit.
posted by Cinnabitch | 1:52 PM
2 Comments:
Verrrry Interesting Information. I might not mind driving thru your area, but I guess I'm not all that inclined to stop and visit....
Although eye-opening, this is not like Deliverance. Just different. I wish I could find the obituary that I read a few weeks ago...according to the obit, the deceased had been "born in West Virginia, but still did have 32 teeth." I am not kidding.
Post a Comment
<< Home