...I couldn't sleep last night, and I know why...
an UNRESOLVED ISSUE. My procrastination. Nineteen years worth. Last week I felt a lump in my right boob. I spent the rest of the day ignoring it,hoping the lump would disappear, but I couldn't stop thinking about it anyhow. I was extra careful to not let my hand drift anywhere near it. You think (if you're a woman, anyhow)that you are immune from lumps in the boobs if you get your annual mammogram. The same woman has been "doing my boobs" for the past 19 years. Anyhow, she is very thorough, and always asks me if I've done my monthly breast self-examinations. And every year I tell her that I started off with good intentions, and have always done it for the two months following the annual "mam"...but that I guess right after the "mam" is kind of silly, because I already know there are no lumps. It is more critical to do them as the time since the last exam increases. But by then, it gets pushed to the back burner, and I am in a rush to get out of the shower, to get to sleep, to get dressed, etc. My next exam isn't due until October, and I haven't done a self-examination since last December. The next day, I got my husband to feel my boob (not in a hot way) hoping it was just my imagination. But he felt it too. I was able to snag an early appointment with my doctor a week later (he's booked up through the end of August), and tomorrow I'm going in for a diagnostic mammogram and ultra-sound. So, now I'm kicking myself, and I am trying not to freak out...what is is what is. Wish me luck.
Meanwhile, you guys--Mohawk Chieftain, Boo, Cookie, whoever else is reading this. When you go to bed tonight with your wife...feel her up, feel her up real good, like she's never been felt before. And force yourself to do it every month. If she is too busy or a procrastinator like me, you may just save her life. AND, I am sure she will appreciate the extra attention.
Meanwhile, a poem. I'd like to say I wrote it, but I didn't.
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos tits can be such troublesome things,
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits
posted by Cinnabitch | 9:31 AM
7 Comments:
I've done that with my wife. She's had a couple lumps that made us a little nervous. She got checked out by the doctor and fortunately everything checked out fine. The lumps were "fatty masses" that are harmless.
BTW - Best of luck to you.
Thank you Boo. I suffer from chronic bad luck...in the past three years I have dislocated one toe, and broken all of the others except my "thumb" toe.
About two weeks ago, I whacked my forehead on my car door as I was trying to change my grandson's surprise poopy diaper before going into an office building to pay a bill. I didn't realize I was bleeding until it started dripping on the baby. And it was hot outside, so I thought it was sweat. He was squirming, and the result was both the baby and I (and my car) were covered in blood, sweat, and poop. I went in, paid the bill, came home and went to assess the damage to my forehead in the mirror. To my horror, I found blood streaks down my nose, eyes, cheeks, and chin, and a one-inch cut over a bruise the size of a quail egg.
So, I am preparing for the worst, and hoping for the best.
...on my left foot. The same foot that I broke the long bone in, about 8 years ago. The right foot has managed to keep a low profile.
Hey, ...Bitch:
Don't put the cart before the horse. Like Boo sez, could be fatty masses. And, don't forget simple cysts. They seem to be increasingly common... as a person gets older. If all turns out well, could I get an 8 X 10? Color or Black & White is okay....
Well, I went this morning for my diagnostic mammogram. My daughter Mallory went with me; she's never seen/had one, and was curious. Following this was the ultrasound. The technician kept a poker face. Waiting to hear from the radiologist about what he/she saw. Thanks Mohawk Chieftain for remaining your naughty self. If they give me any pix, it will probably be only a wallet size to mirror the size of my boob. Did I tell you my dad used to call me, "Dimples"? (PS, It was not for any facial dimples, it was when I was floating on my back in the pool.)
Your dad shouldn't have said that. He should've been more supportive in that respect. All that aside, right now, you've gotta keep yer head down: from what I hear Hurricane Bill is huffin' & puffin' in your direction. Maybe you should hang yer bras on the wash line, just to see which way the wind is blowin'....
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