...about our lawmakers...

...you'd think that someone whose responsibility, as a member of the highest political forum in this country -- the Senate, to understand, interpret, write, and enact laws, would not be in the pickle he is currently in.** You would think that a person of this stature, and with this length of time in that office, would certainly understand that the senator from the great state of Idaho, was admitting to having violated a law in Minnesota by signing whatever form he signed, by speaking freely with the arresting police officer, and by his willingness to pay a fine...all without having consulted with his attorney.

**I wrote this before he resigned, but I still believe this to be true. Again, the question is not whether or not he's gay. I could care less. Behavior unbecoming a public official is the issue. I know that over the years my father, my brother, my husband and my son have all used public bathrooms. Their combined years using a public bathroom probably exceed Senator Craig's years by several decades. None of them have ever been in a situation where their behavior in a public bathroom could have been even slightly misconstrued. So, read on, if you wish.

The charge of soliciting for sex is the crime; he wasn't charged with being gay. I don't think anyone (except his spouse, I imagine) particularly cares what his sexual orientation is. And I imagine there are plenty of men out there (if you believe what you hear on the Jerry Springer Show) who are married, yet still find the need to "bond" with other men. Wait a second, didn't that happen not too long ago, with Mark Foley, and Virginia's own State Representative Ed Schrock?

The police officer didn't do this to Senator Craig, he put himself into this position by trolling/soliciting. I didn't know anything about the gay-men's-bathroom-come-on, so I have found the newscasts quite informative. But I watch enough of COPS to recognize when a girl, in a micro-mini-something, is trolling the streets, trying to lure a customer. That is illegal. The senator violated a law by soliciting. I just don't understand what's so hard to understand about that. And I don't understand why during his recently televised "denial" speech, he spent more time saying that he isn't gay, than he did explaining why he violated a law, or apologizing for having done so.

Personally, as a woman, I've been in many public bathrooms in my lifetime. In fact, I was just in one at WalMart today. I used a public toilet at a baseball park about month ago. Actually, I've used quite a few airport bathrooms recently; in July I flew from Virginia to Tucson, AZ and back, with pit stops at the Norfolk, Dallas-Ft. Worth, and the Tucson airports. First of all, we ladies usually simply look for an opened stall door..this generally indicates vacancy. Sometimes, however, the doors do shut by themselves. However, one need only look below the door for the appearance of shoes. Shoes generally indicate OCCUPANCY. One need not look in the crack of a closed door and make eye contact with the person sitting on the throne to recognize that the stall is, indeed, OCCUPIED! I know I don't EVER want to glance toward the crack in a toilet stall while I'm trying to concentrate on trying to do number two, and see someone watching me. Grrrross!

In all of the years I have used a public toilet, I can honestly say that I have never had the need to place either one of my feet anywhere near the stall next to mine. And the closest my hand ever got to the stall next to mine was once, many years ago, when a woman in the next stall asked if I could give her some toilet paper. See, I always check before I go into a stall to use a toilet to be sure there is plenty of toilet paper. If not, I use another one, so I've never had a reason to slide my hand along the bottom of a stall trolling for toilet paper. Maybe this is what the senator was doing...trying to get toilet paper. However, in my experience, the airports are generally very good about keeping the bathrooms well-stocked with soap, paper towels, and toilet paper. But I'm trying to give the Senator the benefit of the doubt, okay?

Next point: I cannot imagine the contortion needed for a tall man to get his lower leg bent at the angle needed to actually get his foot under the stall divider, to the point where it would touch the foot of the man in the next stall. As a matter of fact, I took a break right after typing the previous sentence, so I could do my own unscientific research. I tried sticking my leg under the edge of my computer desk with my pants pulled down to my calves and ankles (I left my panties up), just to see how far under the desk I could stick my foot. Had this been an actual toilet stall, my foot would have gone under about eight inches. However, this chair is more comfortable than an actual toilet, so I'd say that in real life, I would have only made a six-inch incursion. Usually, one tries to keep one's body parts far, far from anything in a public bathroom...even feet with shoes on. As I read it, the senator had dropped his pants, sat down on the toilet, presumably to go doo-doo, and somehow, with his pants draped around his calves and ankles, he managed to spread his legs apart far enough to slip his foot at least a foot (or more) to be able to touch the shoe of the next-door occupant. And without getting a huge cramp in his thigh! But why??!! The toilet stalls aren't designed for comfort or for long-term occupancy, but they're generally roomy enough so that one doesn't need to overlap into neighboring stalls. Even if one is supersized. The senator said he was a large man. Large, maybe, but not fat. Fatter people (I am in that category, so I can speak from personal experience) may have to spread their legs a little bit wider to, and there's no prissy way to say this, wipe. As I recall, from seeing the images of the senator on the news, he may be a tall man, but I don't believe he is wide enough to actually have to hold his legs spread-eagle to wipe his heinie.

And as for picking up a piece of paper from the floor of the toilet stall...unless he is suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, there should be no reason for him to be picking a piece of paper up from the floor. Not unless it has the portrait of a president in the middle of it. Yuk! And double yuk!!

His hand moving along against the neighboring stall? If I saw something like that while trying to relieve myself in a public bathroom, my first instinct would be to smash those fingers with my shoe. If those fingers were not preceded by a voice asking if I had a square to spare, they'd be broken. What kind of a freak goes into a public bathroom, where one would supposedly go to do one of the most private things a person can do, and violate someone else's personal space by sticking feet or hands where they don't belong? The poor cop! I know he was in there doing his job, and yet I admire his restraint. Had I been in his shoes, it would have taken every bit of internal fortitude I had to keep myself from smashing those freaking knuckles to smithereens with the handle of my gun while simultaneously stomping on his expensive shoe with both of my feet. Not for being gay. For being a jerk.

And what's up with his constituents? They support him? A lawmaker who violates the law? Knuckleheads, all.

Tune in next time when I rant about Michael Vick.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

...about the difference between the North and the South

Being a Northerner, transplanted to the South, I have personally become aware of the
many, many differences that set us apart.

Compare and Contrast: North and South

The difference between the North and the South at last clearly explained:

1. The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.

2. The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

3. The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

4. The North has switchblade knives, the South has Lee Press-On Nails.

5. The North has double last names, the South has double first names.

6. The North has Indy car races, the South has stock car races.

7. The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

8. The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

9. The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

10. The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt.

INFORMATION FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .

In the South:

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....
do not buy food at this store.

3. Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

5. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

6. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck
or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
this way. All of them are in denial about it.

7. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

8. Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.

9. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

10. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

11. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are
proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

12. In the South, they have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

13. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think
they will be accepted as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, Southerners wouldn't call 'em biscuits!


----------
These things are true.
1. I never heard of Dollar General in my life until I moved to Virginia; there
are two within a mile of my home.
2. There are quite a few places like this, none near my home. I'd be afraid to
go in. There are usually big-wheel trucks with Confederate flag stencils
covering their back window parked out in front. A couple of weeks ago we went
to the Knott's Island annual Peach Festival. The biggest booth there was one
selling Confederate memorabilia, flags and T-shirts. Why? The North won.
3. I can't manage to gag out a y'all in any tense. I gag when I hear it spoken.
4. This is what you hear when you go into one of those bait/video rental shops.
I steer clear of these shops. I also avoid men who can roll a tooth-pick from
one side of their mouth to the other, especially if they can do that with
missing teeth, or if they are wearing what in the South is referred to as
a "wife beater" (in the North, this would be called a sleeveless T-shirt).
5. While this is absolutely true, for seasoning greens, black-eyed peas, etc., my
family members in southern Arizona actually use it, too, for seasoning
frijoles and tortillas.
6. This is true, however, it also applies to my husband's family from New
Jersey. To be polite in both the South and New Jersey, simply smile and nod.
A word of caution, the nod is only meant to acknowledge that you are
listening. Over-nodding might lead one from the South or New Jersey to
believe that you are actually agreeing to do something that they are
suggesting. This could be anything from agreeing to have a beer-bottle shot
off the top of your head in the South, or going out with the family to "shank"
someone. In New Jersey, the first "new word" you learn is "frig." ("Get the
frig out of here." "What the frig are you doing?!...you frigging idiot."
7. True again. A Northerner would never say, "I'm fixin' to go to Wal Mart,"
let alone, "I'm fin-ta go to Wal Mart."
8. Just last night on the news!
9. Happens all the time, and usually results in a hospital visit. We hear the
ambulance (in the South, "amblance") sirens all the time...it usually involves
firecrackers, especially during July 4th, New Year's Eve, Saturday nights, or
on the occasion of making a trip to North Carolina (an hour away) where
fireworks can be purchased legally. They are illegal here because they are
considered dangerous and because people tend to get injured by using them in
unconventional ways. We're in the South...duh.
10. On the DAY we arrived in Virginia Beach...it was March 28, 1987 (the moving
van didn't come until April 1st...)...on that DAY, when we pulled up in the
driveway, my neighbor came over and introduced herself, and invited me to go
shopping with her on Tuesday, April 2nd. I accepted the invitation. It
wasn't hurricane season yet (starts June 1st), but I soon discovered that our
trip was to the nearest hardware store to buy hurricane supplies. A few days
later, snow (only one of five occasions of snow to have occured since 1987)
was predicted. And the prediction was only FOUR INCHES!!!!!! (I'm from
Chicago. Four inches??? Growing up in Chicago, I used to walk uphill both
ways to and from school in a foot of snow, barefoot even. A foot of snow might
have caused bus service to slow a bit.) My neighbor came over and drove the
two of us to the grocery store to buy "supplies." We could hardly get a
parking spot. The shelves were nearly bare of all canned goods and water by
the time we finally got a parking space and went inside.
11. And BB guns. Everyone in our neighborhood has lost a window or had their
siding damaged by BB guns. Virginia state law favors gun owners, and recently
the legislature decided that allowing guns in bars is fine and dandy.
12. Lawns? Driveways? I can take you to many neighborhoods where you can't see
the grass because there are too many cars parked on the lawn/driveway. Just
one big oil slick from one end of the property line to the other, mostly.
13. Thank God. My son was born in Norfolk (pronounced Nawfuk here in the
South)...Norfrig in New Jersey. Since his parents are Northerners, he can't be
a biscuit.

...about Meeghan's genealogy search...

I mentioned that my second daughter, Meeghan, has been doing this extensive search for our ancestors. I am wondering how many people in this country are relatives. Following are the last names of direct line ancestors: Lathrop, Lowe, Burruel, Fuller, Crowell, Horn, Ball, Rowley, Fletcher, Palmer, Delano, Hatch, Minor/Miner, Warren, Scudder, House, Rockwell, Booth, Hawley, Grant, West, Peacock, Bliss, Huntington, Aston, Chamberlain, and Nodding.

The following ancestors' names are related to us by marriage (and are not direct descendants) and include: Frink, LaPlante, Loomis, Stanford, Lewis, Moss, Nichols, Bush, Chapman, Coit, Crittenden, Crocker, Cross, Foster, French, Gardiner/Gardner, Griggs, Hall, Hinckley, Hopkins, Hough, Hyde, Kingsley, Ladd, Osborn, Sturgis, Stearns, Stafford, Tracy, Van Leuven, Waterman, Whiting, Winslow, Woodford, and Young. (And many more...way too many to list.)

So, if you or anyone you know is doing a genealogical search and recognize any of these names as belonging to your family, please let me know and I will pass the information on to my daughter.